Guy's Weekend
by XoKris10oX
Summary: Happy always hated this weekend every year. This was the weekend, all hell broke loose. (Little bit of Nalu, Gale, Gruvia at the end.)


"Dude! It's guy's weekend!" Grey exclaimed.

"Guy's weekend?" Natsu asked, taking a bite of chicken. He completely forgot.

"Oh yeah, we never invited you last time since you're an overgrown pussy." Grey laughed along with Droy and Jet.

"At least I ain't fuckin Elsa. Wanna let it go for us?" Natsu countered. "And I was there!"

"Why I outta!" And soon the two were going at it.

"Idiots, stop it! We're off for guy's weekend!" Gajeel grumbled, putting on a backpack and Lily standing beside him. Natsu looked around the guild for Happy, finding him with Carla. No surprise. Natsu walked up to the two exceeds, seeing how Happy was trying to give her a fish.

"Carla I got you a fish!" Happy presented.

"No thank you." She declined politely.

"Well I gotta hide soon. Guy's weekend starts today and I try to get out of it. Sometimes I actually manage!" Happy praised.

"Yeah well not this time. You're coming. Sorry Carla, I'm stealing him from you." Natsu interrupted, grabbing Happy's tail and dragging him to all the guys.

"By all means, go for it." Carla sighed, watching Happy struggle to get away.

"Come on! I'm actually technically not a guy. I'm a cat! I should stay here." Happy protested.

"Too bad. You're coming." Natsu said. "Me and Happy will meet you guys at the train station with our stuff."

"Okay."

"Or maybe just Natsu will! Who knows..." Happy yelled as Natsu kept dragging him.

* * *

"What happened to you?!" Gajeel laughed seeing Natsu all scratched up. Natsu just glared at Happy while still holding his tail and panting heavily.

"This little shit-" Natsu shook Happy a little, earning a squeak from the cat "-tried running away from me and so we wrestled around the house. It took a long time to get him ready."

"Do I have to go?!"

"It's tradition Happy." Grey stated.

"But you guys don't need me! I'm just gonna sit there while you guys do stupid and crazy stuff." Happy whined, hating guy's weekend. Last year Natsu got drunk and cuddled him all night. The year before that they made him jump in the lake late at night. And the year before that, Grey and Gajeel fell on him, squishing him beneath their fat asses. Wasn't fun. The guy's always separated into groups. There was Natsu, Grey, Gajeel, Lily, and Happy in one group. Laxus, Freed, Bixlow, Elfman Jet and Droy in another. The other guys were either too old, too young, or were just stupid for not wanting to come out.

"Just live a little Happy." Natsu sighed.

"I swear if something happens to me, I'll kill every one of you!" Happy threatened.

"Nothing's going to happen to you." Natsu assured.

"Last year..." Happy glared up at Natsu. Grey and Gajeel laughed, remembering that. Lily felt the pain too. Gajeel was chasing him while crying for some unknown reason.

"Come on, admit. That was funny." Natsu chuckled.

"Speak for yourself! You were squishing me all night! I could barely breathe!" Happy hissed.

"Well this year is different. Oh look, the train's here. Too late to back out now." Natsu and Gajeel got Wendy to use her magic on them to make sure they wouldn't get sick on the train ride. Poor Grey, Lily and Happy if that happened. They also made sure to grab motion sickness patches just to be safe.

"Grey..." Happy whispered. Grey looked at Happy seeing how Natsu sat him down while he placed his luggage and Happy's luggage in the top compartments with Gajeel and Lily.

"Hmm?"

"You let me sneak away and don't tell Natsu, I will get Juvia off your back." Happy stated.

"You think you can get Juvia off my back?" Grey raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. If I can escape right now and you wouldn't tell them, I for sure could."

"Well Juvia doesn't bother me that much anymore." And a head banging on a wall was heard throughout the train.

"Buddy, you're going to hurt yourself." Natsu said once he sat back down while Happy kept hitting his head.

"I know. That's the point." Natsu sighed and laid Happy down on his lap.

"Relax will ya? You'll have fun."

"Salamander, your cat is still trying to get out of this again?" Gajeel laughed.

"What would Lucy do?" Natsu asked, worried when he saw Happy's forehead red.

"I don't know. She plays the mother rule. You clearly aren't a dad nor are you soft like that." Grey crossed his arms.

"I can be soft if I want too!" Natsu growled.

"Ha! Please! You couldn't be soft even if Aries shot you with fluff!" Gajeel and Grey laughed. Lily just sat quietly eating kiwi, in his own little head.

"Shut the fuck up, idiots. It's hurting my head." Happy grumbled. They froze, hearing Happy mutter that. Happy never said _fuck_ before. It was a shock to everyone. "What? Did I ruin a moment? Sorry if you guys were having a love moment. I don't judge."

"WE WERE NOT!" All the guys yelled. Happy and Lily laughed, giving each other an air five. Or well Happy just waved his hand in the air from his face plant in Natsu's lap.

"This is gonna be one hell of a weekend." Lily laughed until Gajeel sent him a glare which he shut up right after.

"I should get an exceed. This is so unfair." Grey huffed, being the odd man out without an exceed.

"Sorry are you an Ice Dragon Slayer now? I don't think so. Exceeds are for Dragon Slayers." Natsu stuck his tongue out while patting Happy's head, making Happy's head go deeper in his lap then back again.

"Hey Natsu... I've seen you naked once before accidentally, I don't need to be pressed up against your lap so you can be a show off." Happy grumbled.

"Hahahaha!" Gajeel laughed.

"Like I said, this is gonna be one hell of a weekend."

* * *

Once the males found their hotel room, got set up, all that; they headed towards the club. Trying to dress nice in hopes of getting babes, in which Happy says they wont. Natsu was wearing dark baggy jeans, a black leather jacket with a red t-shirt under it and just normal runners. Gajeel was wearing a black muscle shirt and really dark jeans with just normal runners too. Grey was wearing a blue long sleeve shirt for once that rolled up to the elbow while lighter jeans with runners as well. Lily was wearing a grey vest while the hair between his ears was fuzzed up, making him look kinda like the guys but it was barely noticeable. Then we bring you Happy. He constantly wore a straight face. He was wearing a dark blue plaid shirt that was open and that was it. His hair between his hair was slightly fuzzed all over like Natsu's.

"And why exactly do I look like Natsu somewhat?!" Happy growled.

"We're going to the club Happy. Gotta get the ladies." Grey smirked.

"Oh I'm sorry when have I been interested in HUMANS?!" Happy yelled.

"There will probably be girl exceeds in there~" Natsu stated.

"I doubt it." Happy sighed.

"Don't be a buzz kill. It's our night to party." Gajeel smirked at any passing girl as they entered the club. The music boomed and sweaty bodies filled the dance floor.

"Is it too late to change my mind now?" Happy asked, turning around only for Natsu to kick him back, a little too hard. Happy stumbled up to some exceed girls and then froze. They all stared at him with seductive eyes.

"Well hello there. You're kinda cute. What's your name?" The pink exceed asked.

"Uh-Uh I'm Happy..." Happy smiled, standing up straight while trying not to embarrass himself. He swore revenge on Natsu later.

"Well Hap-py, my name's Rose. Why don't you and your friends hang out with ours?" She said while saying Happy's name sexually.

"U-Uh sure?" Happy said it more of a question but choked it out anyways. When Happy turned around, the smirks the guys were giving him were as clear as day.

"Let's go Hap-py." Grey teased, saying it like the girl said it.

"Grey I will cut you." Happy growled. "I'm getting my revenge on this person later." Happy pointed at Natsu then went to following Rose and her friends. Natsu, Gajeel and Grey high fived while they all sat at a table with Rose and her one exceed friend while three girls sat across from the males.

"Rose, more men again?" The one girl laughed.

"What can I say? I love this one." Rose pointed to Happy, making Happy gulp and wave awkwardly.

"Who's his friends?"

"O-Oh them? Natsu, Grey, Gajeel, and Lily." Happy pointed to each of them.

"Hmm, nice." The girls looked the guys up and down. The guys doing the same.

"Look's like the guys are having fun." Happy said to Lily.

"Yeah. What are you gonna do?" Happy looked out to the stage. He was done trying to get out of this. They wanted to party? He'd give them a party. They just unleashed the party animal within.

"Get wasted." Happy flew to the stage where the music was blasting. When Happy appeared the girls cooed and reached out to him while the guys grinned, raising their fists in the air.

"I cant believe it." Lily said. "He's actually gonna get wasted."

"FILL ME UP!" Happy yelled to the crowd, in which the crowd roared and shots were on the stage. The song 'Shots' played by LMFAO. Happy cracked his paws and started drinking every shot that was thrown on the stage. Or well placed without a mess everywhere.

* * *

**20 Shots Later.**

"Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs. With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love. Got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk. Singing, here's to never growing up." Happy sang with the others. Happy was completely hammered.

"Hey Lily, where's Happy?" Natsu asked. Lily only pointed to the stage in amusement and Natsu looked at the stage where Happy was dancing with strippers as to be drunk off his ass.

"Oh my God!" Grey noticed and couldn't help but laugh. "And we thought he'd be a buzz kill." A girl from the crowd leaned over and kissed Happy on the cheek, in which Happy grinned and raised his paws higher, earning more screams.

"What do we do?" Gajeel asked. How they missed Happy going up there getting drunk will remain a mystery, to them anyways. The song "Boy Oh Boy" by Diplo started playing.

"This that kind of beat that go." Happy sang with everyone and jumped around the stage as the beat kicked in. Happy literally started break dancing while the crowd went wild. Everyone was either drunk or tipsy but no one cared at the moment. Rose smirked and walked up to the stage, jumping up and dancing with Happy. Everything for Happy after that was a blur.

* * *

Happy groaned with a pounding headache the next morning. He found himself passed out on Natsu's chest while the Dragon Slayer snored away.

"Morning Happy." Lily said. Happy lifted his head to stare at Lily. "Man, who knew you were a party animal?"

"What happened? All I remember was us sitting at that table." Happy groaned, face planting back into Natsu.

"Well you got drunk and Rose kinda took you in the back room and you guys... uh... sorta got it on..." Lily mumbled.

"I had a one night stand..?" Happy muttered in Natsu's chest. When realization caught up to him, he jumped up."I had a one night stand!"

"Yeah.." Lily muttered.

"OH MY GOD! WITH ROSE?!" Happy was freaking.

"Hmmhmm." Lily said.

"See why I hate guy's weekend?!" Happy hissed. "Agh my headache." Happy rubbed his head before standing up to go take some meds.

"By the way, Rose wanted me to tell you, you were amazing in bed apparently."

"DON'T TELL ME THAT!" Happy yelled while entering the bathroom. Natsu, Grey and Gajeel woke up shortly after seeing Happy wide and awake.

"Well well well, if it isn't tiger. You certainly had fun last night." Gajeel smirked.

"Shut up!" Happy whined. "Never again."

"I'm sure Rose wasn't disappointed~" Grey teased.

"Guys!" Happy whined.

_~Flashback~ _

_"Where'd Happy go?" Natsu asked. Natsu, Grey, Gajeel and Lily walked upstairs looking for Happy. Happy and Rose stumbled out of this one room. Happy had lipstick smudges on his lips and his clothes were wrinkly while so were Rose's which was just a red strapless, tight dress. Happy's hair was messy and so was Rose's. Yeah, they just had sex. _

_"Did Happy... just have...?" Grey couldn't even finish his sentence. _

_"OH MY GOD!" They all yelled. _

_"Oh hey guys! I feel amazing! More shots!" Happy went to run past them still drunk until Natsu grabbed his tail and dragged him out of the club. _

_"Oh Lily, tell Happy he was amazing in bed." Rose smirked while walking away leaving Lily awkward and running after the guys. _

_"No more shots. I'm cutting you off. You're already drunk." Happy squirmed yelling random shit. _

_"BUT I'M A GOPHER! GOPHERS NEED ALCOHOL!" Happy yelled out to the night. _

_"You're not a gopher! You're a cat! An exceed!" Grey exclaimed. _

_"AND YOU'RE A BANANA BUT I'M NOT JUDGING!" _

_"I'm not a banana. Holy shit, we gotta make a note not to get Happy drunk next time." Grey sighed. _

_"He's so gonna kill us." Natsu laughed. "Guess he was right. Stuff always happens to him on guy's weekend." _

_"At least he got a one night stand out of it." Gajeel grinned. _

_"LUKE... I AM YOUR FATHER!" _

_"K he's out of it." Grey laughed. Once they arrived at the hotel room it took Natsu to keep Happy from running around. In which, he had to hold him down against his chest while he tried to sleep. _

_~Flashback End~ _

"I HATE ALL OF YOU!" Happy yelled while the guys laughed. "THAT'S IT!" Happy pulled out a sword making all the guys freeze.

"Where'd you get that?!" Gajeel asked.

"Erza gave it to me." Happy ran after the guys trying to hit them while the guys screamed yelling 'sorry'. How Happy pulled out a randomly convenient sword, no one knows.

* * *

"Good to be back in Magnolia guys!" Natsu stated.

"Yeah. That was an awesome guy's weekend." Gajeel agreed.

"That was pretty fun, flame head." Grey also agreed.

"I, as well, had fun." Lily smiled.

"I hate you all." Happy clenched his paws. The guild sounded noisy and when the guys walked in, they froze. The girls were partying, what seemed to be, because of their absences.

"THE GUYS ARE GONE FOR ANOTHER DAY!" The girls chanted, thinking the guys were gonna be longer. Lucy, Juvia, Levy and Carla were the nearest to the guys and screaming the loudest, had the guys staring at them.

"ANOTHER NATSU FREE DAY!" Lucy yelled. Natsu's eyes darkened.

"NO GAJEEL FOR ANOTHER DAY!" Levy screamed. Gajeel clenched his fists.

"NO MORE FISH IN MY FACE!" Carla yelled. Happy reached out his paw towards Carla.

"I MISS GREY-SAMA!" Juvia was the only one wanting the boys back. Grey smirked at the rest, seeing how he was missed. Only by one person though.

"Ahem." The music came to a abrupt stop and all the girls froze. Lucy, Juvia, Levy and Carla all slowly turned towards the men that stood there with arms crossed and a glare on their face.

"Oh hey! You guys are back..." Lucy mumbled, raising a fist in fake happiness.

"Hi Luce. Glad you missed me so much. Let me show you how much I missed you." Natsu tackled Lucy. Like actually tackled. He was in the air and when he reached her, his lips smashed with hers, taking her to the ground with him. Lucy's eyes were wide open before she even made impact with the ground.

"Holy shit!" Levy and Carla stared in shock. Juvia was already clinging to Grey again.

"Shrimp." Gajeel did the same to her.

"CARLA! I MISSED YOU! I HAVE SO MUCH BAGGAGE RIGHT NOW!" Happy cried, tackling Carla while Carla just slowly patted Happy's head. And that's when the guild went in a riot. Mira was happy her couples she shipped were becoming couples. Then there was Max and his broom. Max was in the corner with his broom up his ass. For unknown reason, she found that a ship. Mira added 'Max x Broom' to her couples list while the rest of the guild was already in a fight. Well minus Natsu, Lucy, Gajeel, Levy, Happy and Carla. Which Natsu was sucking Lucy's face while Gajeel was sucking Levy's face. Carla was trying to make Happy feel better while he cried a thousand tears. What a weekend.

* * *

**Hey everyone! I made this little one shot thinking what it'd be like if the guys went for a guy's weekend. xD **

**I hope you guys enjoy. **

**Thanks for reading! :)**

**~XoKris10oX~ **


End file.
